This may come as a shock to many people, but you can't love (unconditionally) unless you are empty of self. It's because the limited, protective self is always looking for a payoff. How many times can you truly say you loved, without wanting some recognition or payoff? I suspect mothers (and good fathers) can show unconditional love to their children (especially when those children are very young), but after they grown enough to 'know better', I suspect love is compromised by conditions. Conditional love is the reason we see high divorce rates in the United States.
Hinduism has a wonderful way of talking about being unconditionally loving...don't act for the payoff.
It's in the journey, not the end result of action, where love (I'll use this short form to mean 'unconditional love') is found. If you're always in the moment, participating with what is, you'll never get caught up, and tainted by the end result. I usually talk about this in terms of 'time sickness'. Most people think, speak, and act as if time were real. They see themselves within an historical timeframe, such that they are almost always comparing effort and results. Vocations are laced with this poison. It's within time that we judge.
You can't judge in an instant. It's only when comparing what you think is happening, with what could happen; and what you would like to happen. Judging KILLS love.
Byron Katie had a very nice story that illuminates how judging destroys love. (My following quote is probably imprecise, but the meaning is correct.) She was visiting a woman, who was sick with cancer. As Byron was leaving, the woman said she loved her. Byron replied, 'No you don't...not unless you love the cancer.'
Jesus used a very compact phrase, with the same message, "Love your enemies." Brilliant!
Matthew
Hinduism has a wonderful way of talking about being unconditionally loving...don't act for the payoff.
It's in the journey, not the end result of action, where love (I'll use this short form to mean 'unconditional love') is found. If you're always in the moment, participating with what is, you'll never get caught up, and tainted by the end result. I usually talk about this in terms of 'time sickness'. Most people think, speak, and act as if time were real. They see themselves within an historical timeframe, such that they are almost always comparing effort and results. Vocations are laced with this poison. It's within time that we judge.
You can't judge in an instant. It's only when comparing what you think is happening, with what could happen; and what you would like to happen. Judging KILLS love.
Byron Katie had a very nice story that illuminates how judging destroys love. (My following quote is probably imprecise, but the meaning is correct.) She was visiting a woman, who was sick with cancer. As Byron was leaving, the woman said she loved her. Byron replied, 'No you don't...not unless you love the cancer.'
Jesus used a very compact phrase, with the same message, "Love your enemies." Brilliant!
Matthew
Comments